When I first started this blog, I was angry, hateful and amateur. I yelled, ranted, vented out. I said stupid things, I wrote some stupid stuff, which is still in the early posts of this blog. Some of the things you can read if you look up the old archives. I’m not proud of it.
With time, I learnt a few things and gained some perspective and gradually that reflected on my person and in my writings. Now when I come across someone like me four years ago, I try my best to show them that their attitude is all wrong. That they are having tunnel vision and that things are not that much black and white as you think they are. Plenty of grey areas are there. The more I have matured in my thinking, the less concrete answers I have.
And honestly, I have gained some peace in myself for a lot of things. I have started to trust God a little with some of the things, not all, but some things entirely. I can sit back and relax on those. And now I look back and see that is what was always missing from me, peace. But I was full of zeal but it was misdirected in a lot of ways and for all the slap-shut answers I had for my opponents, it left me distressed mostly.
Now I know what a jerk I may have been when I see my reflection in another overzealous believer who is bashing unbelievers. I sigh and try to steer away from heated engagement.
I hope that that person can understand the futility of their passion and what they are really missing on. People who don’t know about Christ’s love are the worst people when they teach others about what is holy and righteous and godly. For many, their God(s) look just like they do, a righteous reflection of themselves.
We all need peace and sometimes we need to stop looking outside for it, but just look inside of us, maybe we’ll find it there, but beware we may have to lighten up on our zeal for being an “in your face” overzealous silly way of being Christian that it becomes indecent and cruel. It never works like that.
Listen and understand, give respect and get it back.