Categories
Humor

The Jewish Samurai


Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, “That is very impressive!”

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, “That is really impressive!”

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, “If it works for the other two…” So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, “Why is the fly not dead?”

And the Jewish samurai replies, “If you look closely, you’ll see that the fly has been circumcised.”

Categories
Bible Christian God Humor

Transubstantiation? You can’t just eat Jesus, man


 

So does the bread and wine become the body of Christ or is it just in remembrance and no transubstantiation occurs?

I’d be interested to know of your views about this.

Found this originally on Andrew Marburger tweets. 

Categories
Humor

Pumpkins, Crackheads and POTUS


It amazes me, how people get to my blog using crazy search terms. Oh yeah, just look at the ones below. I am clueless.

“Spine rightousness”

I still don’t know what this means

“Satanic pumpkins”

The prince of evil. Grrrrrrrrrrr

Categories
Humor

When English is not your first langauge


Hey! if English is your first language you may not make these mistakes but if, like me it is your third language, you are bound to mess up. Here are some real funny mistakes I made.

 

 

To my boss, on a Sunday night, asking for a leave. I was dead tired and had three shots of coke and water so I wrote in the subject of my email:

“Leave me.”

 

To my colleague, in a work email:

“I have shared with the others your kink which your showed me.”

I was supposed to write “your link” here.

 

To my friend suffering from the flu, in FB chat:

Are you dick?

The trivial confusion between “s” and “d” when you are typing in a rush.

 

My boss called me and gave me a lecture on procrastination. It was in the middle of his lecture that he asked me what was the problem as I was non-responsive, at which point I informed him that I did not know what the word “procrastination” meant.

 

Reading a Christian Epitaph

“The Gay will come…”

When I asked my brother which Gay person the epitaph could probably be referring to, he told me it was “The Day will come” and that I needed a new pair of spectacles.

 

Visiting the mother of someone I know, in a hospital:

“Your mother looks seductive.”

He looked at me horrified as I repeated my comment about his aged mother in a hospital bed, I wanted to say “sedated”.

 

I am sure, I made a few more, these are the only ones I can remember at this point.

Cheers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Atheism Christian Doodles God

The other side


We all use the same words, we just have different definitions. 😉

Categories
Christian God Humor

An old Asian Joke


There was a man once who claimed he was God. When the rumors about him spread, he was brought before the king. The king said to him, “Before you speak let me give you a warning. Last year, a man came to me claiming that he was sent by the Almighty, and we put him to death.”

The man nodded. “You did the right thing. I didn’t send him.”

 

 

Categories
Atheism Bible Christian Doodles Humor Morality

You should read Sam Harris…


 

Click the cartoon to enlarge it. 

Categories
Humor Inspirational Quotes

First time riding a lift?


Doors open. Enter lift. Push button. How hard can it be? Glad you asked, because it is never that simple…

Weep for me. I share a lobby with a group of primitive, uncivilized Neanderthals (no offence to Neanderthals). Here’s how many of them behave when they approach lifts:

1. On arrival at the lobby, they press the up button to tell the lift where they want to go, then the down button to tell the lift to come and get them.

2. Every few seconds they repeat the process, in the belief that doing so will make the lift come faster.

Image source picpedia.com

3. Every extra member of their group who arrives in the foyer does the same, because then the lift will realize that a crowd is building up and therefore needs to get a move on. When the lift arrives, new guidelines come into play.

a. Group A (those in the lobby) must force their way in before Group B (those in the lift) get out Otherwise you can’t tell who are the winners are and who are the losers.

Categories
Atheism Bible Christian Doodles Humor Morality

Gay Marriage and Divorce


 

Click to enlarge image. Press like if you enjoyed it. 🙂

Categories
Atheism Bible Christian Doodles Humor

The Monkey and the Pope


click “read more” to see the full doodle.