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Bible Christian Inspirational

I am still a loser


Image courtesy of asiansinglesolution.com

“Can I go to the bathroom?” these were the words which I dared not utter while desperately trying to control my bladder. As I sat there in the first grade classroom, I was nervously looking around at other children. No one else was asking for bathroom breaks so the fact that I was made me shrink with shame. I am not sure how I got that idea but I can tell you it was there. A four year old boy could not express himself. Somehow I felt that if I asked, everyone will look at me and laugh at me. It was the fear of being different than the crowd around me that made me nervous and I held it for like 2-3 hours I suppose.

And it didn’t end there. I was afraid to ask for help, I could not ask help, not even from the teacher. Because that also implied that I was “not enough”, that I lacked something, that I was unintelligent. I could not ask my parents because well, what will they think what kind of a brain-dead child they have? All other children seem to do fine.

Well, I realize now that isn’t the case but as a child I just did not know.

I remember the first time I entered a sprint race. I was 4 or 5, I remember everyone being on the starting line. I was nervous, I was afraid but I thought I can do it, even if I don’t win, I will try my best.